Can't turn off being a Mom

It's 1:32 am. I can't sleep. I've just had the conversation of "Finish strong" with my almost 23 year old. I've come to realize that you can't turn off being a mom. I'm stuck in a parallel universe - raising little ones and one big one - almost 15 years apart - and having two sets of conversations.

One is the "Families share, do jobs (especially poop pick-up), say kind words to each other, try new foods" conversation and the other is "You need to finish strong. I can see your potential and I can't sit idly by and see you coast. You are getting an A in social awareness, what about other areas of life - are the scales balanced?"

All this comes about at 1am this morning after the above mentioned 23 year old comes back from a 'drive' the night before finals. I wrestled with whether I said anything or not but decided a conversation needed to be had.

I try to let him live his own life and make his own decisions. I try not to give too much council as I do with the little ones but have had an internal debate with myself on if my silence coveys to him that I don't care.

I don't know the clarity of thought b/c I was really irritated while having this conversation and I had been semi-asleep and of course I have the opportunity of having hindsight right now, but I did mention the following:

• You've got to finish strong - this isn't a sprint, you are doing an endurance race. You need to finish what you start with the same amount of intensity. This not only applies to school but to every other aspect of your life - if you commit, you follow through with intensity.

• Can you look back (specific to his school classes, but applicable to any situation) and say, "Did I give it my best"? I'm not looking for perfection; I'm not looking for 4.0s; but can you HONESTLY say to yourself, "I'm proud of my effort". When you don't do your best you short-change yourself the most. You rob yourself of achieving your potential.
  

• Friends will be there after the finals. Take the time to say "No". You need to learn to say "NO". Fun will always be there is some form or another, learn to finish strong.

I also said I loved him and that I cared too much to sit by the side and let him not know how I feel. I felt bad it happened at 1am , but have realized maybe this was the best time - no one else was awake and distracting me, no ganging up, etc.

I also had to throw in there that I would be bringing up this conversation when he had teenagers that come home at 1am. You know me -I have to throw in a joke to break the tension (I hate contention).

22 year-olds need praise, guidance and love just as much as 7 or 5 year-olds do. They are still trying to figure out who they are ...entering a 'no-mans land' - dancing between the carefree days of no responsibility and building a foundation for a future. They might have bigger bodies, but are just as sensitive - at least my 22 year old is. I'm glad he has a sensitive spirit.